Chaotic Week

What a crazy week it's been here! I wasn't really expecting this week to be this way but that's usually when life starts to get nuts. We've had VBS at our church at night from 5-8 & we've all spent time helping out 1 way or another. Brian has been gone for work & will be home today. YAY! I ended up working a little extra because of someone who had a sick child. My house is in need of serious cleaning so we've been working on that.  Alexa decided to paint her bathroom & I'm trying not to interfere since this was her idea. We had to register Alexa for school. Yikes! Can't believe that's right around the corner again. In some ways I'm ready for it to start again & in other ways not. Having her be able to drive herself to/from school activities has been a huge help. She starts her volleyball camps tomorrow & has camps & tryouts til school starts. We are getting ready to go on our church camping trip to Yankton next week. I am coming back to get Alexa from camp & working a little in the middle of the week else we will be relaxing the rest of the time. Well, I guess as relaxing camping is with 4 kids.

We did receive an email from our caseworker that we are now in the #1 spot for a stork drop. This is when the birthmom has already had the baby & just wants the agency to choose the adoptive parents based on who's waited longest. I'm not sure how often this happens but she gave us some things to have prepared in case of needing to travel quickly. Just please keep praying for our future birthmother & our son. We have no idea what her situation is like & what she is going through right now but we know that God does.

Why are We Doing This?

We've had several questions lately on why we are adopting and why we are most likely adopting an African American child. We actually love answering these questions & it gives us a chance to let people know the reality of the situation out there. The numbers break my heart. In fact, it makes my blood boil. African American women are 3 times as likely to abort an unwanted pregnancy & every 2 out of 5 pregnancies do end in abortion. 32% of abortions that are done in the US are for African Amercian women & that number is steadily climbing. The reason it is climbing is that Planned Parenthood has launched an effort to strategically place their abortion clinics in areas that are populated with at least 80-85% African Amercian or Hispanic people. There is no coincidence of the placing of these clinics. 1 of Planned Parenthood's former directors has stated that their main goal is to make money & the only way for them to do so is to perform more abortions. I know there may be some of you who disagree with our stance on abortion & who argue about the need for abortion when there is rape, incest, or for the health of the mother. Those abortions make up for less than 2% of all abortions performed. The rest of the reasons were for personal choice.

Brian & I are both pro-life. We believe that life itself is God's & for no human being to chose when it starts or when it ends. With that stance we also have a huge issue with these potential birthmoms making the sacrifice to give these precious children life & then when it comes to making an adoption plan, there are not enough or no adoptive parents willing to accept their child based on their race. It breaks my heart what these potential birthmoms have gone through & feel when this happens. The child they are carrying is precious in God's sight & he/she deserves a loving family to care for them if this birthmom is not able to do so.I couldn't have imagined what I would have thought if I had chosen adoption when I was in a less than ideal situation when pregnant at 17 & there was no one that interested in my child. We know that there is waiting that has to be done in adoption & so people think that when they have to wait, there really is not a need. That is not true. The numbers themselves don't lie.

Our stance on choosing the route we did is that when we profess to be pro-life & encourage these moms to choose life for their children, we had better put our word into actions & welcome these children of God into our homes.

"Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me." Mark 9:37

Collecting Garage Sale Donations!

We really were trying to avoid having to do this type of fundraiser but we are to the point that after weighing the pros & cons, it seems like the best option. People always have stuff that they could get rid of & it doesn't cost a lot of money. We will be accepting donations from now until our garage sale that will most likely be held from Sept 9-11. This is a ways off but it will give us plenty of time to prepare & for people to drop stuff off. It is also when our town has city wide garage sales. We are also thinking of doing a bake sale at the same time but that will be decided later. Depending on weather, I thought maybe our kids could do either a lemonade stand or hot chocolate stand because we all know that Iowa weather can be fairly unpredictable. We will be making plenty of room in our garage & if anyone has any larger items that could wait til closer to the date, that would be great but if there is no other options, we can make room now. We hope & pray that God will bless this effort.

In other news, we heard from 1 of our agencies that we are now 2nd on the list for any "stork drops" for African American babies. This means that if they have any last minute placements where the birthmom doesn't want to pick the family, it goes in order of who's been waiting the longest & has requested that race & gender. This has made it all seem very real to us. We know that it might still be a while longer but this gives us an idea of where we stand as far as how many couples they have waiting at this agency & know this is where God wants us right now. We thank Him for giving us that reassurance that we were looking for!

Off Camping

We are headed out for a couple days to go camping with some friends. I am so excited to go relax & get my mind off all that we have going on. Of course I will still have my phone on my at all times but reception there isn't the greatest. Oh well, it's only 2 1/2 days & a break from all technology would do me some good. The weather doesn't look good for today but looks great tomorrow! Pray that the rain lets up!

Enjoying the Journey

I have to admit that I haven't been the greatest at taking time to sit back & enjoy the journey that we are on. I have been solely focused on the end result & how to get there faster that I think I've lost some of the joy that can come with letting God work in me. I've had a tough week. The fact that we've been on a list for 2 months & our profile hasn't even been shown once started to get to me. How can you be chosen if you aren't even being given a chance to be chosen? I thought there was a need for families like us to open up our home & now nothing! Not that I expected to be chosen fast but I know that most people are shown numerous times before being chosen so I just felt having to wait even longer to be presented was not a good sign. I even vented my frustrations to a couple of good friends who were willing to listen. Then I got my daily devotional by email today & all of the sudden, I felt like I had been overlooking so many things with my impatience. Remember I said I wasn't good at it the patience thing at all but God is so very gently reminding me that I have to keep working on it. Here is the verse that I opened up & it brought tears to my eyes because I knew that it was meant just for me, just for today. Thank you God for your Word to remind us who You are!

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. "[Philippians 4:8,9]

And She's Driving

I don't know if there is anything that can prepare you for sending your first child off in a car by themselves. I've never been good with giving up control on anything so this is a real test of just letting it go to God & know that He has her in His hands. She really is a good driver & will do everything she can to be safe but we all know how teenagers can be. So we just hit our knees from the time she leaves, to the time she gets home & then we can all breathe a little easier. So here's some pics of her & her car that we bought for her. It was my grandma's car, until she couldn't drive anymore. She's been the only owner of the car & it's just as old as Alexa so we felt that was appropriate. It will last her a long time on the road to Western!

Still Here

Yes, we are still here. It's hard to update all the time when there really is nothing new to report. We still haven't heard anymore on the possible situation from 1 of our agencies. It's hard to be patient & wait with no answers at all but I've been dealing with it okay. I've already seen some blessings in not getting a phone call yet. Jackson is now potty trained, except for at night. He's also becoming more attached to his daddy, which is a great thing since he's been such a mama's boy. He still prefers me but it's nice to see him want to go with Brian to do the "boy" thing. This will help a great deal when the baby comes. We've also had more time to apply for grants & do some fundraising. Patience is something I'm not great at but when I can see a blessing in the waiting time, it makes it easier to do. I'm sure to have my moments of not being able to stand it anymore but that's to be expected. Take joy in the little things.

There Can Be Nice People In This World

After some phone call by several people to DCI/FBI, we got things figured out. They have had lots of issues in the past with complaints of their papers looking so unofficial. The kind lady who our social worker talked to offered to go above & beyond what they normally do & put their official seal on our results so that they are accepted by any state, should we have to travel to a different state than our agencies. We are so appreciative of people willing to listen to our issues & do something about it. Anyone who has gone through the adoption process can tell you that when you have to go through some type of gov't office, it's not always a pleasant experience.

There has been some activity with 1 of our agencies but we haven't heard any specifics of the situation. We just keep praying that we will hear something soon. In His Time!

Waiting

I can feel discouragement starting to creep in. It's hard to not let it happen. I know we've always said that everything is in God's timing but sometimes it's way easier to say than to actually believe. I also know that there are lots of people who have been waiting a lot longer than we have for their children to come home. We been busy enough for the most part so I don't have too much time to dwell on it but when I do get a chance to let my mind wander, watch out! It's also a control thing. There is nothing that we can do at this point to speed things up or make a birth family choose us. We just have to trust that God knows our child will be & that it will be perfect in His time.

We have been accepted by Mother Goose Adoptions out of Arizona. They work in all states except 1 & they have been great so far. We are having some problems though with the FBI clearances that we received. We questioned that paper that we received earlier from the state since it was so unoffical looking & Mother Goose is worried that the piece of paper we received will not be accepted by some states. We really would hate for a situation to fall through b/c of a piece of paper that wasn't good enough. I know it happens but we are working on clearing it up before it becomes a problem. The other issue is that things in the adoption world keep getting more expensive. We are now looking at even more money to complete this adoption. I have to say that the money part is getting to me. When we started this process, we knew we didn't have the money it took to get through this. I absolutely hate that part of a reason we were so hesitant was because of money because that should not be the reason. The fact is adoption costs money. We understand why it costs what it does. There are steps that need to be taken to protect birth families & adoptive families. We all know that there are corrupt people out there that will see the money that could be made in adoption & will take advantage of that. We just have to accept the fact that it costs what it does & trust that God will help provide.

Even though we know that God provides, we know we also have the ability to work to raise this kind of money. So, we really do need everyone's help to bring this child home. We have been so lucky to have so many already help us raise the money needed to keep things going. We are so blessed! We are still hosting our suppers in our home & several dates that would work. If anyone would like to book a supper & help us out for our adoption fund, we would really appreciate it. We have several menu options to choose from & to be honest, both Brian & I love to do it. We couldn't think of a more fun way for us to raise funds for our adoption & get to serve those who are helping us out. We can host up to 12 people in our home or we can cater to another location. If you are intersted, you can call us or email us at bgulker@mtcnet.net. Also, please keep us in your prayers as continue to wait on Him.

The Club No One Wants to Be Part Of

Yes, there is such a club. In fact, most people would rather die than be part of it. There isn't even a name for those of us in it. It's that horrible. But there are those of us who are survivors & have only our Father in heaven to thank for that. It's the club of Child Loss. There are many different forms of child loss. None worse than the other & equally as heartbreaking. I had always said that if I were to lose a child, you could just as well dig a hole & bury me too since the pain would be too much to handle. It was & still is my worst fear. In fact, I think my fear of having to ever walk that path again has been made even worse. So when I hear of any other parents being unwillingly put into this club, it breaks my heart more than anyone can imagine.  The thoughts of waking up, hoping that it was just a bad dream or even more cruel, dreaming that your child was just fine & you swore you heard him crying in the next room. The ache of wanting to have your child in arms so strong that you swear there are spiders crawling all over them. The pain that you have to endure being so horrible that you pray with every fiber in your being for God to return soon because it is more than you can handle & this is as good of a time as any for Him to make His glorious return & you just can't imagine not being able to be in heaven with your child. Yes, these are the thoughts of those of us who are now in this club.

Of course I'm terribly reflective around this time of year. It's inevitable.  Especially when I come across a blog of a family who is going through a very similar journey as we did 4 years ago. Immediately, my mind instantly brings me back to those days that we lived 4 years ago. My heart aches for them in a very personal way even though I do not know these people, except through their blog. Every year, I think back to what I was doing on what day & what Dawson was doing. I also think back to what was to lie ahead for us in the days & weeks to come. I could almost have a panic attack just thinking about it. The doctors coming to get us from the family lounge after his surgery & literally feeling like I was having an out-of-body experience walking down that hall. Something in me just knew that it wasn't good. My body not handling the news to the point of almost vomitting & my legs had no strength in them whatsoever. I literally could not get out of the chair. Just laying in the family lounge, just absolutely numb. I couldn't wrap my head around the news that the chances of my son making it were "slim to none". What person could possibly survive that kind of heartache?

It is because of God. I am a believer in Jesus. I am a believer that He died for my sins & there is something more grand & more glorious waiting for us in heaven than our earthly minds could ever wrap our minds around. I know that these beliefs can't take away from the grief & pain of what this world holds but it is the faith of what is waiting for us that is my only comfort of going through struggles & heartache in this world.

I know that this was very near to my Grandpa's heart & it rings so true to me & for so many others.

1 Q. What is your only comfort


in life and in death?

A. That I am not my own,

but belong--

body and soul,

in life and in death--

to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ.



He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood,

and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil.

He also watches over me in such a way

that not a hair can fall from my head

without the will of my Father in heaven:

in fact, all things must work together for my salvation.



Because I belong to him,

Christ, by his Holy Spirit,

assures me of eternal life

and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready

from now on to live for him.

Day of Silence for Cohen

Our hearts break for these parents who are having a memorial service for little boy Cohen.
You can read more about there story here: http://www.inthiswonderfullife.com/
Please pray for this family.