Where to Begin....Part 3

Things have been crazy around here so this post just hasn't had time to get written. Let's just say soccer games, a concussion for Wyatt & Jackson biting through his lip(twice) has been partly to blame. I think we are on the mend but I'm about ready to put my kids in bubble wrap & duct tape them to their beds just to keep them safe! Okay, now to the final chapter of our trip to Utah! Warning! It is long!

So, Sunday night was filled butterflies in the stomach. I knew the only way I would sleep is if I had help from Tylenol PM. Love that stuff! I slept the entire night until my alarm rang but as soon as my eyes were open, my stomach was instantly nauseous! I quickly got up & got in the shower to get ready. We had to be at the hospital at 8:30 but we were never told what time the c-section was scheduled. We went down to eat breakfast but I seriously was having trouble getting anything down. I know some people are stress eaters but not me! I was gagging with every bite! I chuckle at it now but that's just how I roll!

We arrive at the hospital at 8:30 & we were told that our caseworker would meet us in the lobby. 15 minutes went by & no sign of her. Now I know that isn't a long amount of time normally but in this case, it seemed to take forever! I get a text then that a different caseworker was going to meet us & that she would be there in a few minutes. Again, 15 minutes later, nothing! Finally she shows up & we get up to start walking to labor & deliver with her. Her phone beeps & she gives us the news that a baby boy had been born, 6lbs 7 oz, 18 inches long & very healthy! I could hardly contain myself knowing that as I sat there & said prayer after prayer that our son had been born! We walk up the steps in the hospital & through a couple of doors not knowing at all where we were going. We make a turn to the right & right next to the nursery window, we see our son for the first time. It was such a surreal moment! I couldn't believe that after a year of waiting & all the heartaches, we were able to see him & touch him! There still was a part of me that really couldn't believe that this little boy would be ours because of our previous failed situation. Brian had told me right after seeing him to not get attached. Um, okay! That's not gonna happen! I was in love with him from the moment I laid eyes on him & I knew I would be devastated if this fell through. While we were in the nursery loving on him, we got a text that Miss A wanted to sign papers as soon as it was legal to do so. We knew this was a good sign but it was no guarantee. We asked about Miss A often & how she was doing & the plan was for us to meet her that afternoon. She also wanted alone time with him until she was discharged. We decided to leave for lunch & come back at 1pm to meet her. And yes, nerves in the stomach were horrible! We went to a flower shop to order flowers for Miss A because we knew that she was so far from any family that she had & we wanted her to know how special she was. We were then told to come at 4pm to meet Miss A & met our caseworker in the lobby again. I was nervous but also very excited to finally meet her & talk with her face to face. We went in & saw immediately how beautiful she was! Our first meeting wasn't long but we wanted to give her plenty of time to rest & to spend with Charlie. It was at this time that we talked names with her & she wanted us to name him.  We also got to talk more about her family & see some pictures of them. I loved getting a chance to getting to know her better & the conversation went very well. We were able to check on Charlie & Miss A a couple times that afternoon/night and we decided to go to bed early since it had been a long, emotional day. The plan made by Miss A was to sign papers at 9 am  & she wanted to be discharged that afternoon.  The caseworkers & us tried to get her to stay longer but she had already been away from her family for 2 1/2 weeks longer than she had originally planned & she just wanted to get home. We were told to be at the hospital at 9 am to sign our papers. Again, Tylenol PM was my friend! I slept all night!

Waking up Tuesday morning was even worse than it was Monday morning, as we knew this was the day that would decide if Charlie would become a permanent part of our family. As nervous as we were for this to go according to our plan, we knew that this was going to be very difficult day for Miss A. After talking with her the day before, we got to see just how much she loved Charlie & we knew without a doubt that it was going to be 1 of the hardest things she would ever do & our hearts broke for her. We got there & the caseworker handed us papers to look over & then she went in to have Miss A sign papers. As our caseworkers were with us going over papers, they then let us know that the papers making Charlie ours, were signed! I can't tell you what a bittersweet moment that was. There really are no words for realizing that our joy was now part of Miss A's loss. Even though she knew this was best for Charlie, it was not easy for her do this.(I have a whole post that I'm working on about birth mothers that I can't wait to share with you next week) We called our families as soon as we could to tell them the good news!! We kept his name a secret until we knew for sure that he was going to be ours. We couldn't wait to call our kids & families! Alexa even made us call school to give permission to have her phone on during class so she wouldn't miss our call! We got to hear about 15 teenage girls screaming with excitement in the locker room on that one!

Miss A was scheduled to leave the hospital that night & she wanted to spend the day with Charlie. It was the least that we could do to honor that request. We knew it was important for her to get that time with him. The plan was to come to the hospital before her discharge to get to visit with her & take some pictures. Those pictures are so precious to us & I can't wait for Charlie to have those when he's older. It was time for her to go & she got up to hand Charlie to me. We embraced & sobbed together as we both knew that this was one of the hardest things she would ever do. I wished in that moment that we could have done something to ease the pain but all we knew to do was join her in her sadness. She begged for us to just love him & take care of him & honestly that made the tears even worse! Her motherly instinct to have him cared for was so strong & that was just another sign to us that she loves him so much. It was one of the most bittersweet moments that we've had to endure & a feeling of the whole situation being unfair crept in. We knew that we set out to give a good home to a child but I don't know if anyone can really prepare you for the grief that comes along with it. I also know this is why I think about Miss A numerous times each day & why we want to raise Charlie to the best of our abilities.

That night I stayed in the hospital with Charlie since he wasn't being discharged until the following day. It was a long night for me but I just stared at his face in disbelief thinking that he was now our son. By mid-morning on Wednesday, we were discharged & we grabbed a bite to eat on our way to the hotel. We hung out there for the afternoon & then had to make our first of many trips to Walmart to get the rest of the essentials. We went out for a nice supper to celebrate & then went back to the hotel to settle in for the night. We had no idea how long we would still be in Utah but they told us that it only took a couple of days. On Thursday, we went out for lunch & then stopped by the adoption agency(which is Heart to Heart Adoptions) to take a picture of us with Charlie & with our caseworkers. They said it was a possibility that we could get clearance to leave Utah yet that day but we couldn't enter Iowa until Iowa cleared us. We drove to Salt Lake to at least say we saw something other than the inside of the hotel & hospital. I wanted to head back to the hotel to start packing up some things just in case we got clearance. Brian was skeptical that we would but we went back anyway. At 4:30, we had thought there was no way we would get to go home yet that day so we made plans for the evening of where we would go to eat. 15 minutes later, we got a text from our caseworker that said "You are cleared to leave Utah!" I don't think we've ever packed so fast! We were out of there in 20 minutes!! We made it to Cheyenne, WY that night & needed to stop & sleep. The next morning, we had a goal of making it to Sioux Falls for the weekend because then we'd at least get to see the kids since we would only be an hour away from home. So we start on our way & at 10:30, we get a phone call that Iowa cleared us! We were so shocked & literally couldn't believe it! So the plan was started to surprise the kids with our arrival home. Travel went so smooth & Charlie was a super traveler! Brian's parents took the kids out for ice cream & we snuck in the house. Boy, were they surprised when we came around the corner from the hallway! Yes, we got it all on tape & it is priceless! We still had to get Alexa home so we had texted the friend she was staying with to get her to our house. The plan was that she would come get her dress to be altered so we hid in our closet(where the dress was) & got another great surprise! It was definitely crazy in our house with all the excitement but it was great!

I don't know if there is another baby brother out there that is more kissed than Charlie but he has sure been loved on since we got home! So, Friday, March 25, 2011, we were a family of 7 & life couldn't be crazier but it also couldn't be better! The road to Charlie was a long, difficult one but we'd do it over again in a heartbeat for our little boy. God is always faithful & He is always good!