The Package Arrived

Just got an email that our application & profile books have arrived at our 2nd agency. She said she will look over everything to make sure they have what they need & then we will officially be on their list too. We are so excited to see what God has in store for us & who our son will be. If I let myself think day-dream enough about it, I get butterflies in my stomach. During the night, around 2 am, I woke up very suddenly with a panic & had a hard time falling back to sleep. My husband will tell you that this rare since I never have trouble falling asleep & staying that way. I don't know what that was all about but it will be interesting to see when we look back at things if anything was happening around that time. I will let you know as soon as we can when we are fully approved! I did put a hint at the top of my playlist which state we had to send everything to!

Should Know By Thursday

We received an email from our potential 2nd agency that we should have a welcome email on Thursday if our package arrives today, like it should, but we all know how that can go. We are excited to see what God has in store for us. We have been told that things can move fairly quickly but also know that we could still wait for a while. We have definitely been staying busy, which I have appreciated very much!

We spent this past weekend at Lake Shatek with Brian's sister Chellie & her husband Tim. It was not quite as smooth of a weekend as we had pictured but we still had a great time. Emma & Jackson came down with fevers within a few hours of being there. We had a hard time getting their fevers to come down & since Emma is allergic to ibuprofen, we didn't have many options. A long night of sleep & Tylenol did the trick for her after all. Jackson on the other hand, wasn't so lucky. His stomach must not have liked the medicine we gave him since he ended up throwing up all over the bed late that night. He had a pretty nasty fever off & on all night but seemed better the next day so we decided to stay. Later that day, his fever spiked again. After some more ibuprofen, he went to bed. Yep, you guessed it! Threw up all over the bed again. Glad I had Brian there to help out though. It definitely was a 2 person job to get everything cleaned up & back to bed. Jackson did fine the rest of the night & was fine the next day & his fever has returned since. We also had interesting times with bad weather both nights. There were tornadoes all around the area & we had to keep a close eye on things since we really weren't anywhere truly safe. We ended up with some pretty high winds & lots of rain but nothing too severe, thank goodness! We did hear that my sister Amy had a tree fall on their house but they were on vacation. Luckily there wasn't too much damage since the chimney ended up breaking the fall of the tree. Glad that no one was hurt.

Jackson also decided this weekend that he was no longer going to wear diapers! He has done so well & only had a couple of accidents in the #2 catagory. But we are getting there & I can't believe he flipped the switch so quickly when we've tried several times for him to potty train. You'd think after doing this 4 times, I'd be a pro at it but I have alway said how I have 4 completely different children & nothing works the same with all of the them. I'm just glad that we will most likely not have 2 in diapers anytime soon!

Here's a few pics from this weekend! Enjoy!

In Memory of Dawson Bradley Gulker

I can't believe that it's been 4 years ago today that you came into our lives. We were so excited to finally meet you & to find out if you were a boy or a girl. Never in a million years were we prepared for what God had in store for us through you. We were so scared when you were born with so many complications. I remember sitting on the hospital bed, knowing that our lives would never be the same from that moment on. We just wanted you to be okay & to be able to take you home with us. I couldn't imagine the thought of life without you but also scared of what would lie ahead for you & all the challenges you would face. All I know is that whatever faith I thought I had, it would be put to the ultimate test in the days & weeks to come. I kept telling your Dad that God had a purpose for you & for what we were to go through & it could only be for the good. It wasn't what we planned but we would accept it & look for any good we could. After the initial shock wore off that day, all I know is that I wanted you in my arms & to love on you every chance we could. We fell in love so deeply, that we were ready to go anywhere we could to get you the care that you needed. There were many, many tears shed with the ups & downs of hospital life but we also met & encountered so many wonderful doctors, nurses & other parents with babies in the NICU. Your sisters & brother wanted you to be with us so badly too & it was so hard to be away from them. We were so excited at the U of Iowa Hospitals that they were allowed to be in the room with us & hold you. It brings tears to my eyes even now as they had to look you over & check out this brother of theirs. All the complications that you had seemed interesting to them for about 2 seconds & then you were just their brother in their eyes. It no longer mattered that you had only 1 ear or a cleft lip or only 1 lung or your heart on the wrong side of your body. You were created just how God wanted you to be created. You baffled all the doctors on how well you did with all your issues & we were so proud of you being the little fighter that you were. We knew that when the doctors told us that there was no explanation for you to be able to breathe on your own or how even though your heart was on the wrong side of your body that it was made perfectly for the imperfection that only God could have knit you together so beautifully. He allowed you to show us that our faith relied on us not having an explanation or a reason. We just trusted from that moment that you were God's child & we were not in control. We also learned the power of prayer, not only from us but from everyone that we knew & even those that we didn't. We were humbled that so many people cared & prayed for you, a little boy named Dawson, who never spoke a single word but told an amazing story. Our story.

So, Dawson Bradley, even though you are not here today to add any more to your story, we are & it is an amazing one. If it weren't for you, I can tell you that the world would seem so much smaller & our vision for this life on earth & beyond wouldn't be as sweet. Your story, which became ours, has taken us down a journey of faith that I wouldn't trade for anything. There is no way that I could have learned what I have any other way. You taught us to look at things with the eyes of God & not as us dreadful sinners.

Here is the video that was played at his funeral. I did have to remake it on our Movie Maker so it's not as good as the original but it is still beautiful.(Remember to pause the music below)


Untitled from Mel Gulker on Vimeo.

Also, I have a song at the top of my playlist by Selah that has meant so much to us. The lead singer of Selah, Todd Smith & his wife Angie, lost a little girl Audrey, very shortly after birth & this song was written in honor of Audrey Caroline. Her blog has brought lost of inspiration to many people, especially those of us who have a similar story of infant loss. She has a new book out that I desperately want & I can't wait to get my hands on it soon. Here is a blog link to read their story. http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

Feeling a Little Sheepish

When I made the comment in my previous post about the books making a magical appearance, I really didn't think it would happen! But I always say God still has a sense of humor! 1 of my lovely children, who will remain nameless.....     

....decided to be really helpful & take the package from the Fed-Ex guys & put it in the garage. So close to really being a help & if he had only taken a few more steps into the house, he would have gotten helper of the year award! I just love him & his face was priceless when he found out I was really wanting that package! Oh well, we had a good little laugh & I can now send a nice little apology to Snapfish for the email I sent informing them of their not so great 2-day shipping! Oops! I guess sometimes we just have to eat a little humble pie! I'm sure other adoptive moms can relate to the whole waiting on USPS, Fed-Ex, or UPS & not being very patient. Yep! It's a downfall of mine! Glad that God can send these little reminders to still wait on Him!

Lovely Delay

A shipping delay in our profile books? Of course there is!! They were supposed to get here yesterday & even though there is a tracking number, no update. I was hoping for a suprise visit from Fed-Ex but no such luck. Oh well, what's 1 more day in the grand scheme of things, right? The longing is starting to set it more & more. My mind is starting wander more & more to thinking of who he is & what he will look like. Who will be our birthmother & what her story will be. What will that phone call be like? Will the baby be born already or soon? Or will it be a couple of months yet? What kind of baby will he be? Will he have dark curly hair or not much at all? We just can't wait to see how this will all unfold!! We know God's timing is perfect!

I will let you all know if they make a sudden, magical appearance!

Living by Faith

Well, as those in the adoption world knows, there are many ups & downs involved with the process. Luckily, we haven't had anything too big in the terms of ups or downs. We will take that as a blessing. These minor bumps that we have encountered will be so worth it in the end. But I do think that Satan has used several things that have happened to try to deter us from doing what we know God wants us to do. Let's face it. Wouldn't Satan just love it if a couple of things happened that caused us doubt & fear to the point that decided to not listen to God & follow through with this adoption? Some may doubt that this is how it works  but I am fully convinced that when you are doing something public, like adoption, because of faith, Satan is going to do his best to not let that happen. These minor things, while inconvenient, will not work though. Just when we were doing so good at saving money & getting to the point of being able to put a good chunk of money in our fund, we find out Brian's work car needs all new tires. Then we find out it needs all new shocks, struts & an alignment. Then our air conditioner in the house wasn't working. Then his pickup won't start & has to be fixed. Then our sump pump hose came out of the drain & sprayed water all over the place, ruining our Netgear box for our internet. All these things combined cost us a great deal of money that we were hoping to save.  But we are fortunate that we had the money to begin with & we don't have to wonder where we were going to come up with the money to fix those things. We may have less in our adoption fund but we still have time & we know that God will provide. For those of you that know us & all our basement issues in our old house, you will know that only having a little bit of water sprayed around in our utility room is NOT that big of a deal. Neither is having to have some vehicle repairs. A setback? Yes. A cause for us to stop listening to God. NO!

Also, we decided this week to apply to another agency. After much research we have found 1 that is very similar to Hope for Adoption. Hope for Adoption is a very new agency & they are encouraging their adoptive families to apply to at least 1 other agency.  I talked with both agencies this week & feel very comfortable working with both. The new agency works in almost every state in the US so the only problem that might present is travel. We have now introduced the possibility of needing to fly, depending on the state our birthmom is from. We had looked into this option earlier & had decided that driving was going to save us money since we wouldn't have to rent a car either. But we will just have to wait & see what happens with that. I just hope that if we have to fly, we can find some good rates. So, I ordered more profile books & they will hopefully be here sometime next week. I will let you know the new agency name once we get approval.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we continue going through this process. We have been amazed by what God has shown us already in the short time we've been on this journey.

Boys' Room

Here is a picture of what we did to rearrange the boys' room to make room for another little boy. I can't believe how nicely it all came together. I still have some things that I'd like to do but they have more to do with his name, which isn't 100% decided so we will wait on that til he is here. Enjoy!

Can't Believe She's 15

Seriously?? How in the world can she be 15?? I just think that it is so unfair that they she has to grow up! Now don't get me wrong. I love to see my kids grow & mature but the realization of how fast it's going is starting to hit me. I don't really like it at all!

I can't believe that it was 15 years ago that I was in a hospital room, wondering how in the world I was going parent this beautiful baby girl by myself at 17. That's only 2 years older than she is! Yikes! Okay, I wasn't really alone since my parents & family were totally there for me but there is something to be said about the emotional support of a spouse. I can say that now since I'm on this end of things. Regardless, I couldn't be more proud of my daughter & who she has become. She has embraced who she is better than I ever would have done at her age. She has a faith that Christian parents dream of for their children. Quoting the title of our blog, it really is "Only by God's Grace". We love how you will just pitch in & help around the house (well, most of the time). We love how Jackson just adores his "Lala" & loves to spend time with her. We love how responsible  she is with her school work & extra activities. We look forward to seeing her grow & mature. We also look forward to embarrassing her in front of her friends alot too!

Alexa-Hope you enjoyed your day today & we wish you many more birthdays in the future!

This & That

I knew this waiting period was going to be hard to get myself to post. Just didn't think I would have this hard of a time coming up with things to talk about. For those of you who know me personally, this comes as a shock! It's not for a lack of stuff going on. It's more like "Do people really want to hear/see what we are up to day by day? Do they want to still hear that we are still waiting & haven't heard a single thing from our agency since our acceptance letter?" This will be the hardest part & most boring part of this process but we haven't had time to dwell on that. There are times I would love to get that phone call & others when it would be so overwhelming. Just have to rely on God's perfect timing.

Saturday we travelled up to Minneapolis to have a grant interview with the MICAH fund. It stands for Minority Infant & Children Adoption Help. We really couldn't find a reason to stay overnight & with all the stuff going on, we decided it was easier to just drive up & come right back. It was all worth it since we qualify for a grant. It works a little differently since domestic adoption can me unpredictible with timing. Since the amount that they have fluctuates with need, they wait til you are placed with a child & know your final expenses to disperse funds. So when we know who/when, we let them know & let them know what we have left to come up with. This also means we don't know a specific amount just yet either. We know what they don't usually go under so we will just keep it in the back of our minds what we might end up with.

We are still hosting the suppers in our home or at your home. We haven't been focusing too much on that since we really haven't had much time to host. We know that summer is a very busy time for everyone but if anyone is interested, we can give a list of possible dates. Or if you have a particular event that you want food for, just ask & we will see what we can do. We have several options for menu & we've had a great time with those who have already participated. I know they would give a good recommendation! haha! We just need to do a few more to get us enough money for our placement fee. Then we can focus on travel expenses, birth mother expenses & legal fees. If anyone has any other "not so time consuming" fund raisers, we are open to that too.

Well, off to get some things done. Domestic duties are calling & I'm really trying not listen. But if I don't, it won't get done & our families can tell you that I don't do well with that. I've got that Dutch thing in me that can't resist having a clean house!

Summertime

We are now in full swing of summer. No more school, no more schedules. Oh wait, we still have schedules. And quite busy ones too, if I may add. There's drivers ed, camps, Bible school, and some pool time. Well, I guess pool time isn't on the schedule but I will carve out some time for that. We've already spent plenty of time riding our bikes & fishing at our local pond. Jackson was so excited to catch his first fish tonight. He didn't want it anywhere near him though. Here are a few pictures from our outing to our local pond to roast hot dogs & to do some fishing.

Think he got a little dirty?

See how he is trying to get away from the fish he so proudly caught?

Reminder

Just a reminder for those who have considered giving to the 10K in 20 Days. There are only 3 days left & the goal of 10K has still not been reached. Please consider giving even just a little to help out 26 families that are trying to bring home their children. Once you donate, you will be entered into drawings for numerous giveaways that she has posted on her blog. You can be entered more than once by donating more than once. There are some awesome gifts she is giving away & today there is a little extra insentive. Please visit the blog & see all the things this family is doing in the name of adoption.