In Memory of Dawson Bradley Gulker

I can't believe that it's been 4 years ago today that you came into our lives. We were so excited to finally meet you & to find out if you were a boy or a girl. Never in a million years were we prepared for what God had in store for us through you. We were so scared when you were born with so many complications. I remember sitting on the hospital bed, knowing that our lives would never be the same from that moment on. We just wanted you to be okay & to be able to take you home with us. I couldn't imagine the thought of life without you but also scared of what would lie ahead for you & all the challenges you would face. All I know is that whatever faith I thought I had, it would be put to the ultimate test in the days & weeks to come. I kept telling your Dad that God had a purpose for you & for what we were to go through & it could only be for the good. It wasn't what we planned but we would accept it & look for any good we could. After the initial shock wore off that day, all I know is that I wanted you in my arms & to love on you every chance we could. We fell in love so deeply, that we were ready to go anywhere we could to get you the care that you needed. There were many, many tears shed with the ups & downs of hospital life but we also met & encountered so many wonderful doctors, nurses & other parents with babies in the NICU. Your sisters & brother wanted you to be with us so badly too & it was so hard to be away from them. We were so excited at the U of Iowa Hospitals that they were allowed to be in the room with us & hold you. It brings tears to my eyes even now as they had to look you over & check out this brother of theirs. All the complications that you had seemed interesting to them for about 2 seconds & then you were just their brother in their eyes. It no longer mattered that you had only 1 ear or a cleft lip or only 1 lung or your heart on the wrong side of your body. You were created just how God wanted you to be created. You baffled all the doctors on how well you did with all your issues & we were so proud of you being the little fighter that you were. We knew that when the doctors told us that there was no explanation for you to be able to breathe on your own or how even though your heart was on the wrong side of your body that it was made perfectly for the imperfection that only God could have knit you together so beautifully. He allowed you to show us that our faith relied on us not having an explanation or a reason. We just trusted from that moment that you were God's child & we were not in control. We also learned the power of prayer, not only from us but from everyone that we knew & even those that we didn't. We were humbled that so many people cared & prayed for you, a little boy named Dawson, who never spoke a single word but told an amazing story. Our story.

So, Dawson Bradley, even though you are not here today to add any more to your story, we are & it is an amazing one. If it weren't for you, I can tell you that the world would seem so much smaller & our vision for this life on earth & beyond wouldn't be as sweet. Your story, which became ours, has taken us down a journey of faith that I wouldn't trade for anything. There is no way that I could have learned what I have any other way. You taught us to look at things with the eyes of God & not as us dreadful sinners.

Here is the video that was played at his funeral. I did have to remake it on our Movie Maker so it's not as good as the original but it is still beautiful.(Remember to pause the music below)


Untitled from Mel Gulker on Vimeo.

Also, I have a song at the top of my playlist by Selah that has meant so much to us. The lead singer of Selah, Todd Smith & his wife Angie, lost a little girl Audrey, very shortly after birth & this song was written in honor of Audrey Caroline. Her blog has brought lost of inspiration to many people, especially those of us who have a similar story of infant loss. She has a new book out that I desperately want & I can't wait to get my hands on it soon. Here is a blog link to read their story. http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/