I'm Not in Control

I'm not in control. That is brand new information! Well, not really but I think that realization had slipped my mind completely in the week following our failed adoption. I was obsessed with moving on quickly to the next situation & I thought that nothing could ease the disappointment until we had our little one in our arms. I wanted to make sense of going through 2 months of being matched & then have it all come crashing down on us. I wanted to know how we could work so hard to raise money & have some of it gone in the blink of an eye. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted. Then I heard a little voice of reason through a woman at our agency after some emails that stressing & pushing was only going to make me miserable & it wouldn't change the outcome at all. Boy, did I need to hear that! My faith had never wavered but my reliance on God was replaced by my own selfish wants. Hearing that I wasn't letting God be in control helped me let go & gave me a peace with where we are in this adoption process. No matter whether I trust in Him or not, the end result will be the same. So why not give Him all this crap that I've been feeling & let Him lead me? Why is that so hard to grasp sometimes? The blanket answer is sin can blind us sometimes. So after realizing that I was trying to shove God out of the drivers seat because I didn't like how He was running things, I am now in the back seat, all buckled in & ready for Him to take me to where I'm going. I feel so much more refreshed now & even though the waiting is hard, my trust in God is stronger than ever! I know there will be hard days ahead yet but I hope that I can keep reminding myself that God has got this one for me & I can let those hard days be just that, hard days.