Long Time No Blog

Wow! Things have been a little busy around here. I guess having 4 children home from school can do that to a person. Add working extra hours & Brian being gone & things have hit a whole new point of busy. I could tell things needed to slow down for me yesterday when Emma & Wyatt were on a mission to make the other miserable & take their momma down with them! I know I've been told it's normal for them to bicker but good grief! So the sitting on the couch & holding hands will be enforced from here on out! They've been warned.

Another snow storm is coming. Ugh! I don't mind snow but I'm much more of the pretty snow falling gently to the ground with no wind. But we live in Iowa & I swear we should be called the windy state & not just the windy city(Chicago). There is nothing enjoyable about cold temps, snow & wind mixed together. Makes me want to head south in a real hurry!

Tomorrow marks the end of 2010. It's been an interesting year for our family. Not bad, not good, just interesting. We feel remarkably blessed for what God has provided us with but yet we look forward to the new year to see what it holds for us. Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!!!

This song was sung at our church last week & I have fallen in love with it!
Merry Christmas!

Multiple Emotions Syndrome

Anyone who has been through the adoption process can attest to the fact that waiting can bring out some pretty weird emotions. 1 moment you can feel completely fine with the wait & the next moment you are in full blown tears. You can feel completely fine & the next wanting to pitch an absolute fit. I have felt like I have completely lost my mind in 1 moment & had a total sense of calm in another. Yeah, I've wondered several times about the stability of my mental state, until I read THIS blog post. Even though this family is going through international adoption, I can relate to many of the things she wrote about! Phew! I feel much better!

I've Got a Plan

With all the busy-ness of this season, I really don't have much to blog about. I know! It's sad but I'm sure you all will survive. After the 1st of the year, I'm hoping to do a couple of fun things that I've seen other bloggers do & I'm hoping it will help pass the time. The one I'm most excited about is a Recipe Day! I will pick a day a week to share a certain recipe that we love around here. I love trying new things & love to share some really good food ideas. Since we have made a conscious effort to not go out to eat, we've  been trying to make some really good meals at home to save money. Not complaining here! The best thing I love about cooking is that you can adapt recipes to fit what your family like & will eat. We also like to be a little adventurous in what we try & I can't tell you how many times I end up loving it! But who doesn't have those moments when you realize you have a total flop on your hands?? So that's the plan. Oh, and I will be looking to hear from some of you on some of your favorites too! Of course, I secretly hope that we will be too busy with our new little one to follow through on this but for now, I'll be planning on this!

I'm Not in Control

I'm not in control. That is brand new information! Well, not really but I think that realization had slipped my mind completely in the week following our failed adoption. I was obsessed with moving on quickly to the next situation & I thought that nothing could ease the disappointment until we had our little one in our arms. I wanted to make sense of going through 2 months of being matched & then have it all come crashing down on us. I wanted to know how we could work so hard to raise money & have some of it gone in the blink of an eye. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted. Then I heard a little voice of reason through a woman at our agency after some emails that stressing & pushing was only going to make me miserable & it wouldn't change the outcome at all. Boy, did I need to hear that! My faith had never wavered but my reliance on God was replaced by my own selfish wants. Hearing that I wasn't letting God be in control helped me let go & gave me a peace with where we are in this adoption process. No matter whether I trust in Him or not, the end result will be the same. So why not give Him all this crap that I've been feeling & let Him lead me? Why is that so hard to grasp sometimes? The blanket answer is sin can blind us sometimes. So after realizing that I was trying to shove God out of the drivers seat because I didn't like how He was running things, I am now in the back seat, all buckled in & ready for Him to take me to where I'm going. I feel so much more refreshed now & even though the waiting is hard, my trust in God is stronger than ever! I know there will be hard days ahead yet but I hope that I can keep reminding myself that God has got this one for me & I can let those hard days be just that, hard days.

Wyatt's Surgery

Yesterday Wyatt finally had surgery to remove his tonsils & adnoids & had tubes put in. He's been struggling this year with several strep & ear infections. He's failed several hearing tests & back in August, he was on several rounds of antibiotics that couldn't kick his ear infection. After visiting the specialist, we found out just how bad it was. His adnoids were 50% larger than what they should have been & the pressure in his ears were similar to the feeling on an airplane right before they pop. They left it up to us whether or not to take out his tonsils but we just figured that while they were doing surgery that we should just do it. Boy am I glad we did! His tonsils were full of infection yesterday! I'm so proud of him on how he handled everything! He probably has a higher pain tolerance than I do & he has been handling so well. They gave him a medication right before he went in that made him pretty out of it & it was cute to see the perma-smile on his face! We hope that the next week or so continues to go well & that he heals quickly from this. I'm mostly praying for a big improvement in his hearing too! Here are  few pics from the day!

"Patience is bitter but....

....it's fruit is sweet."

I know the main theme in adoption is patience. Why in the world would a control freak with no patience think embarking on this journey would be a good idea is beyond me!! I don't like myself when I'm at this point & as hard as I try to just "shake it off", I just can't. I can't just not think about it & I haven't found a good distraction but my kids are the best thing I've got right now.

I've been down this road before of having to figure what to do with myself after thinking things would be so differently with a baby around. Back then my main focus was on getting pregnant again knowing nothing else could even dull the ache. I thought those days of waiting would literally kill me. I'm there again. Now I know that waiting & patience can't actually kill me but they can mess with  me, especially if I start letting the doubts & fears scream at me. They are loud & they are furious! There have been times I've wanted to mutter "Be Quiet Satan! I'm not gonna listen!" Why does he have to be so good at picking at our fears? Ugh! I've been frustrated to tears & have had many heated "conversations" with God.  My faith has never waivered but I'm really a "I want to know a purpose in all this" kinda gal. I think we all can be that way. I want to know why He wanted us to go through this adoption process after all that we've been through in the past. I want to know how I could convince myself that our adoption process was going to be this lovely beautiful thing(which I know it will be someday) without having to live through what we are. I don't want to wait anymore. Who are we kidding? Who likes to wait? Especially when we live in the "instant gratification" time period. Everything at our fingertips, right?

Don't get me wrong in any of this. Our faith in God & His plans have never wavered! Not once. We know He is pouring His grace on us & we are being sustained. Just working through all these emotions can be tough & as the quote says, "Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet."

I want to also ask for an unspoken prayer request totally unrelated to the adoption. I really don't want to go into detail because it's very personal & God already knows what it is. Thank you!

Clearing Things Up

We've had a few people ask if we thought we were scammed. Absolutely NOT! We fully believe that Miss A intended on placing right up until the end. Contrary to some belief, even though we are out some money, most of the money lost was on legal expenses to get us to the point that we were in the adoption. There are papers to be hunted down & counseling that had to be done. There was very minimal that went toward her expenses. We have absolutely NO hard feelings toward Miss A as making the decision to place is 1 of the most difficult things she would have had to do.

We also hold no hard feelings toward our agencies that we dealt with. They were very kind & were very honest with us right from the beginning. We look forward to working with them in our next placement.

3 Days Later

So how are we doing 3 days later? Well, we are still disappointed & wish things would be different but we have an amazing God who is with us. I have to be honest that I really didn't want to go to church this morning. It's just part of getting back into normal life & facing the fact that we really would rather still be in Chicago with our baby.

But God knew that we would be back home & needing to hear the sermon that was preached this morning. Pastor John preached on Hope this morning. We read the passage from Genesis 18, where the 3 men visited Abraham & Sarah & told them that Sarah would give birth to a son. I think Sarah did what we all probably would have done in her position & she laughed. Not funny, haha, but the laughter of pain. These past 3 days I have been Sarah. Wanting to have hope in God's promise but not really believing that it will come true & almost laughing in the midst of pain. We've said things like "We are trying to do a good thing. Why does this have to be so hard? Why did we have to be brought down this path?" But God's promise of hope is renewed in us as we remember the story of Abraham & Sarah this morning. I can about imagine Sarah's joy at holding Isaac for the first time & how sweet it was! I can imagine how she thought back to the "laugh" she made at God's promise & then realizing that our God is capable of anything!

So, as this week begins, we are ready to move forward on the journey to the child that God has picked out for us all along. Our Hope remains in God's promises for us!

Romans 12:12-"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

We Have an Idea

After looking at our options for raising more money, we have come up with an idea that might be a little unconventional but we think might work. We decided to go through our jewelry & bring our gold in to sell. We only had 3 items(2 rings & a necklace) but we were given $142 for them. We starting thinking of how many people must have old jewelry sitting in their jewelry boxes! So we are wondering if anyone would want to donate their old gold jewelry that they don't use anymore. We will take it in to be sold & put that money in our adoption fund. If 10 people give jewelry equaling the amount we had, we will be right back to where we need to be to start having our profile shown again. You can mail it to us if you know our address or I can get you our address via email. Our email address is bgulker@mtcnet.net. Just look through what you might have! You might be pleasantly suprised to see what you will find!

Home

We are home & hugging our kids a little tighter tonight. I don't even know if I can put into words the roller coaster of emotions that we've felt in the last few days. We have gone from being completely hopeful to totally disappointed in a matter of minutes. But we are doing fine. The emotions are still raw but we fully plan on continuing this journey that God has called us on.

A question that we've gotten asked is if we lost money. We did lose some. There are just fees that need to paid to get an adoption this far. Everything else will be rolled over into a new situation. The problem is that we will need to come up with more money to do another adoption. We have already been in contact with our agency about any new situations. Again, we are the only family with them right now willing to accept full african american so we know this could fast but we really have no idea how long to expect it to take.We literally heard from the last grant application the day we left & were not awarded anything so those are out. So our only option is to do fundraisers. To be honest, we are exhausted with fundraising. We have done everything that we know to do within our power & our creativity is running out. We haven't booked any suppers in a long time b/c we just had no idea on when this baby was going to come. Suppers are our best way to continue raising money to make up what was lost. We really only need to do about 3-4 suppers & we will be right back to where were when we left for Chicago. We will host in our home or cater at a location of your choice & we have numerous menu options. We absolutely love to do them! We ask you to give this prayerful consideration.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers! I'm so amazed by the prayer support & we can feel them. We also know God is sitting right in the thick of our grief with us. He has never left our side for a moment & we know He will be with us as we continue on.

His Grace is Still Sufficient

Well, our worst fears came true this morning. Miss A has changed her mind & we are ready to go home. We are sad but not broken. Your prayers were felt & even though we didn't get the outcome we were hoping for, we know God's grace is sufficient to carry us through!

Little Update

Sorry for the lack of update but it's been quite a roller coaster the last 36 hours.  At this time, we know Miss A has given birth to a healthy baby girl! We praise God for that! We have not yet been given the okay by her or the caseworkers to come see her. Miss A has still stated a committment to the adoption plan but this has been a emotionally draining time for her. She is very concerned with her privacy & she is currently in a shared room so she has requested that neither the caseworkers nor us come to visit until she has her own room. We are hoping & praying for that to happen tonight. So we really are in limbo right now not knowing whether or not we will be placed with this baby girl. We covet your prayers in the next little while because tomorrow is a big day. We pray for even more patience for us & we especially pray for peace for Miss A with her decision. Our hearts ache for what she is going through right now & we wish that we could make the painful part of her decision go away but we can't. We know God hears the prayers of His people so we ask you to flood the gates of heaven for His will to be done. We will update as soon as we can!

We're LEAVING!!

Got the call this morning that Miss A is in labor & in the hospital as we speak! Pray for safe travels & that everything goes smoothly! We will update when we can!!

Weary

I think that best describes how we feel right now. Today is the due date & no word of the baby making an appearance anymore. It's exhausting to have everyday for the last 2+ weeks to be ready to leave at a moments notice. Constantly keeping everything in order & doing laundry at the late hours of the night just to make sure everything is clean "just in case". I know Miss A is also sick of this. 10 days ago she had thought she was in labor so we surely thought by now that the baby would be here.  I know this is repeating every post I've had lately but this is one of the 1st days that I've felt completely drained from trying to keep it all together & be positive. I'm sick of being such an outsider, not knowing how things are going or when the doctors will step in & get things started. I'm worried about how what we will do if we aren't back for the date of Wyatt's surgery & if we will need to reschedule it & when we would possibly do it. I know, it's worry & we are told not to do that but it's human nature. Yeah, the whole God's timing is perfect thing is too hard to grasp when we are on this side of things. I'll jump on that band wagon after the fact, okay?? But for right now, it bites! Yes, this is a pity party for now.

I also have to add a little disclaimer that I know so many of you in the adoption world have waited much, much longer and having this feeling & this intense wait makes me more & more convinced of God's grace on those families. I will not only be praying that our wait is done soon but I will also be on my knees to be praying for those who have been enduring this wait much longer than us. My heart aches for you! It really does & it makes me feel guilty for having these feelings when we've only been at this for as long as we have.

So, I ask you for continued prayers. Prayers for strength to keep going & prayers for peace. I have a very restless feeling & I hate that when I know that God is with me always & He is working all things for good.

Just Rolling With It

Yep, nothing. We know we can't do anything but wait. We are just rolling with each day & we know that 1 of these days we will get that call that the baby is on the way. We will have lots of family gatherings in the next 2 days to keep us occupied. The lesson on patience isn't always an easy one!

If you think....

we are about ready to go insane, you'd be correct! Miss A has now been pregnant longer than she ever has in the past. Go figure! The waiting is getting hard & I even find myself getting negative about not having our baby yet. I'm now very jumpy every time the phone rings & my heart starts to beat really fast. Then I see it's not our agency & then I have to go through the disappointment of it not being them. I know babies will come when they come but we really had hopes of getting things going here. We do see some pros with this waiting but we also see some cons. The major con is that we have Wyatt's surgery scheduled Dec. 10. If things get delayed with paperwork, we might have to reschedule things there or 1 of us has to come home early. All doable but I don't know if this mommy could be that far away when her son is in surgery! I guess I better live my motto "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans!" to the fullest with this one! I'm sure He's gotten a chuckle out of me everyday for quite some time!

Not Yet

We are on pins & needles here! No baby yet but it should be soon. We are trying to remain patient but it is so hard! We know we aren't in control of anything. If she doesn't have the baby today, we are looking at a longer stay b/c of the Thanksgiving holiday. We know it's no one's fault & babies will come when they come. Just makes it a little harder with 4 kids back home to be gone even longer. But when we get our little one in our arms, we know that it will all be worth it! Just pray that the baby comes soon!

To Remain or Be in Readiness

It's just a fancy definition of "waiting". I'm sick of saying we are just "waiting". So instead, we are "to remain or be in readiness". Sounds a little prettier but it's still what we are doing. We are ready & getting anxious. I can't imagine a time frame moving more slowly!! Someone asked me if this was anything like the end of a pregnancy & I said it was worse! It most definitely is. There is no control. There are no contractions on my part. There are no doctors' appointments for us to be at. Nothing but to continue on with life as normal until we get that phone call. Each day that is new is a day that we could be welcoming our baby & that fact makes each exciting but also very long! We know it will be soon & of course in God's timing but this last little while has been hard to go through. We know babies come when it's time but being on the outside waiting is hard. It will be here before we know it & it will all be worth it! Can't "wait" til we are no longer "remaining or in readiness".

Smooth Move

I'm sure this will come as a complete shock but I can tend to pull some good moves at times. I'm really not a full out klutz but I can thank my mother (whom I love dearly) for being a little clumsy from time to time. Yesterday was no exception. We had baptism for my nephew, Kasen, yesterday morning so we had to be leaving the house quite a bit earlier than normal for a Sunday morning. I hadn't heard Alexa get up so I thought I would quickly run downstairs to see if she was, in fact, up & getting ready. Well, we have a wooden gate that automatically shuts behind you to go downstairs & as I stepped on the 2nd step, my foot literally slide off the step & I was on my way to landing very hard on my back side. So what's the natural thing to do? Grab onto anything for dear life to keep from falling all the way down! I had 1 hand on the gate & the other on the staircase & it caused a huge jolt on my arms & their sockets but I did stop myself, hard! I knew right away that the muscles in my arms & side were going to be hurting. I thought I was fine until this morning. I couldn't lift my arms above my head & I had a hard time getting Jackson dressed. I was also struggling at work with getting files put away on the top shelf. I'm hoping this is the worst it gets or I am in for it!

Just a couple weeks ago, I accidentally left my bottom drawer to my dresser open when I went to bed but wanted to quick get up & switch some laundry. I ran right into that drawer! Yep, I thought I broke a couple of toes but it was just black & blue for a while.

Des will get a kick out of this one! A few years ago when we raised golden retrievers, Brian & I thought it would be a good idea to take 1 of our new females on our walk/run with us. She was doing so good that we decided to run. We didn't get very far & something spooked her & the next thing I know, she ran right into me & totally took me out! My whole right side was completely scraped up.(Now you know why I refuse to run unless being chased!) I was picking gravel out of my arm for a week!

Okay, I think that's enough smooth moves for me for a while! If not, I need to look at getting better insurance because I am really intent on hurting myself lately!

1 Day at a Time

Still here. Still waiting. Nothing more for us to do at this point but wait for the phone to ring for us to come. We are so ready but are taking each day as it comes. We have been keeping busy & thankful for God's peace as we wait. Sorry for such a boring update but we hope to be updating with some good news soon! Just didn't want anyone to wonder what's going on!

Just keep swimming....Just keep swimming

I don't know why that phrase keeps popping into my head but I think I've said it my head several times a day lately! I quote kids' movies all the time so it should be no suprise when this phrase from "Finding Nemo" keeps coming up. We are definitely in "any day now" mode & the butterflies are working overtime. I have to say that I've felt a calm with my anxiety & just have excitement at this point. I've accepted the fact that we are on a roller coaster ride that we can't get off of & we just have to ride it to the end to see what is waiting for us. I'm just thankful that God is the One in control of that ride! We are busy packing & making preparations to be gone for unknown amount of time. Well, I guess if packing is considered as throwing stuff that we need to pack into a pile & dealing with it later then that's what I've been busy doing. I guess the reason that I haven't put anything into bags yet is because next week Brian is going to be closer to where we need to be & he will be putting some stuff in his car just in case we get the call to come. If that happens, I will be flying to the city that Miss A is in & will meet Brian there. I just want to minimize how many bags I have to take with me to fly. But we'll see how this all plays out & if Brian is home when we need to head out. At this point, we are supposed to get a call when Miss A goes into labor & we will try to make it out there as soon as possible. Of course, this is all just a plan & we know things can change quickly.

So just keep praying.......just keep praying!!!

My Grace is Sufficient

I have been so blessed already with the Beth Moore Bible study. We are currently doing "A Woman's Heart-God's Dwelling Place". I just have to say, she is amazing! She has such a wonderful gift to be able to minister to people & you can tell she just loves to learn everything she can about the Bible! This past session, she talked about something that really hit home to me. She was telling the story of  when her girls were little & 1 of her friends had a little girl that died at the age of 4 from cancer. She talked about how awful she felt & how she thought over & over that she could never handle going through what her friend was going through. She said how she had told God that she also wouldn't be able to go through what her friend was facing. Her & her friend then talked about how she was handling the loss of her daughter with such composure & she said it was because of 1 thing. God's grace. His grace was poured out to her in her time of need & it was sufficient for her.

How often do we(including myself) tend to look at different situations & think "There is no way I could handle that or I could never do that!"? How often do we let our fear overtake what we know God is capable of doing for us? We know that there will be pain our lives. It's inevitable in this life. But how many times do we make excuses for not listening to God because we fear where He will bring us? Do we really believe that He won't pour on us an extra dose of His grace to carry us through whatever it is that we are going through?

I can honestly say that I have faced my worst fear & probably most of any parents worst fear. I look back on that time in my life & the time since then that God dumped as much grace on us as we needed at that time. No way could I have survived that amount of pain & anguish without it & use it to my benefit.  Knowing how God will provide that grace when needed gives me the courage to move on with life & continue to step out in faith whenever He does call. His grace is sufficient!

Nerves vs Excitement

As the time approaches closer & closer, there are times that when I actually let myself think about getting this baby in my arms, I feel like I could hurl. Yep, that's right! Hurl. I've mentioned in a previous posts that nerves can get the better of me but then you add excitement to that & my stomach doesn't handle that combo very well. I had tried & tried to not let myself get so emotionally invested in this situation because I have tried to be "realistic" about what can happen. Honestly, this nerves vs excitement feeling happened when I was pregnant with Jackson too. I wanted him so badly but after such a devastating loss with Dawson, I had tried to prepare myself for not getting to keep Jackson either. So I just avoided trying to think about either scenario to try to protect myself. So what did that accomplish? Absolutely nothing! Would I have been less devastated at another loss because I didn't let myself think about it?  Would it have been easier? Of course not! Just like I didn't lose any joy at the fact that he was born healthy & is now snuggled up right next to me & just told me he "loved me so much!" Ah, nothing better in this world! This also means that I know that the fact that I've struggled with letting myself think about this baby becoming ours will not lessen the pain if it does not happen. We've been planning for this baby for quite some time now & our hearts would be broken if things didn't follow through, especially knowing the circumstances they are in.

I'm having similar feelings right now with my nervousness that were similar to when we were in Iowa City with Dawson. I remember after talking with 1 of the doctors about the statistics of the outcome of babies needing the type of surgery he did. I didn't like the numbers & the realization that the numbers meant nothing. I suddenly knew that none of us were in control of the outcome. Only God knew & only He knew what was best. I remember driving around the curve toward the hospital & having a feeling of letting go of the "steering wheel" & saying "okay, I give up. It's all up to you, God! I'm done struggling for control of a situation that I can't control!" I couldn't imagine the amount of peace that set in after letting go.  This is a similar kind of letting go. What will happen, will happen. Only God knows at this point if this child will be part of our family or not. I guess time will tell. Until then, I am relying on Him to helping me let go & calm the nervousness vs excitement that seems to settle in my stomach!

Shooting the Breeze

Yesterday I was overjoyed to finally get a chance to talk with Miss A!! It was good to know that she is still on track to move forward with this adoption & feels good with her decision to place, as of now. We now have 2 ways to keep in contact with each other & I hope that we can have a couple of conversations before we get a chance to meet each other. A visit is still in the works but no time has been set up as of yet. We really would like to get an idea from her doctor if an induction has been discussed or if they will just let her go on her own. This would give us an idea of when we could or should make the time to go see her. But for now, we just keep making preparations for this baby's arrival & pray that God's will be done. I know our goal is give this child a good home but we also have to be prepared that we may not get to that chance. We may only have a very brief opportunity to be that shining light of Christ to her. This may be the only time she knows the love of Christ, through us! We don't know if she will ever accept that love but she is worth it in God's eyes to have that chance! I know you guys are but please continue to keep us in your prayers. With things being so close to the end, nerves are setting in & fears have tried to take over. We are trying hard to not let them but when your heart & emotions are involved, Satan has a good way of playing with them!

The Countdown

The countdown is on to the arrival of the new baby. There is less than a month to go before Miss A's due date. I really can't believe it. The other crazy thing is that if she delivers like she did her previous child, we have just 2 weeks! Yeah, if I think hard enough, I totally have a panic attack! The reality of what can go wrong is always present but we are trying to remain optomistic that things will follow through. We know that as of now, she feels adoption best for this child. We just hope & pray that she continues to feel that way & that she puts this childs best interests first. We also know that if she chooses to parent, that is her right & even though we would be broken hearted, we know that there are other babies out there that need homes too.  We know that God will always know best & His ways are not always our ways. I hate to think of the pain & disappointment that we could be facing but we also know that the reward for remaining firm in our faith is a wonderful one. I just have to trust. There is no other way for me keep going that to just trust. So we continue to lean on Him in these remaining weeks & keep praying for Miss A & the baby she is carrying!

The "S" Word

I know it's not an official swear word but I declared it one in our house. It's white, it's cold & not wanted! Yep, I'm gonna officially swear on my blog but since it's my blog, I can do what I want! It's SNOW!!! Ugh! It's here & it's cold! I knew I should have never stated earlier how nice it had been because now it's just yucky outside! We've had colder temperatures & the wind has been blowing like mad! Wind advisorys & hearing the term "wind chill" just send me into a major funk! I need to remind myself of why we still live here! Any ideas?? Anyone??

Okay, to be honest, I don't really hate snow in itself. It's more the stuff that comes along with it. Cold, wind & shoveling. The last one doesn't really fully apply to me since I don't do it. Not unless my van is stuck or if the wheel suddenly comes off the pick-up while trying to get out of a snowbank(not that I would know what that would be like!) hehe!

So now to focus on the littlest, tiniest bit of good that can come from this kind of weather. Hmm, let me think! Oh! Got one! It's our fireplace! I miss listening to the crackling of the wood while sitting on my couch snuggled underneath a blanket. I never knew I would love it so much but I do. It's one of those things that can only be done with colder weather & that is something we do have here. Now let's just hope it doesn't decide to stay too long!

Prayers & Praises

We are just rolling along here! Not much to blog about really. Honestly, I've been too tired to think of anything good to blog about so here are just some things that we can either praise our God for or ask Him for His mercy.

Praise:
My sister Amy & her husband Phil were blessed with a son on Saturday morning! Kasen Bradley made his arrival a couple of weeks early at 8lbs 2oz & now joins his big brother Preston!! He is gorgeous & healthy! I could have held him all day! Hoping the transition to 2 children goes well!

Thankful that God spared the Unity Christian cheerleaders who were in an accident on Friday night! It could have been so much worse & we thank Him for His mercy! Hope that all involved are recovering!

Prayers:
Just keep Miss A in your prayers. We heard from our agency that when she met with the caseworker, they found out she has been through quite a bit of loss since we've been matched. We pray that she & her family feel God's comfort in this difficult time. We also know this is probably the reason that she has not been up to contacting us directly.

Prayers for a family I have "met" through the blog world who thought they would be taking their baby girl home soon & now it looks like that won't be happening. I know that even though we prepare ourselves for this possibility, it can't prepare you for it actually happening. We pray that God would be gracious in showing them the reason for having to go through what they have.

I know there are lots more that I could probably think of but this is just what comes to mind! I am in need of getting some good sleep because this week is crazy! The Christian school soup supper is this coming Friday & I am the chairperson for the food committee. It's been a lot of work but it really has gone well & I am looking forward to having Friday behind me.

No Contact

I will be honest & say that we have been disappointed in not having any more contact with Miss A since that 1st phone call. I guess we really didn't know what to expect but we had hoped that a few light conversations either by phone or email would help both parties. I'm not upset or mad with her because I don't know how I would feel in her shoes. I just had this idea in my head that a few conversations with her would make us real people to her & not just a profile book that she liked. She does have regular contact with the agency so at least she is getting the support from them. We just keep praying that things will keep moving along & that this next 5 weeks(maybe less) go fast!! Would you please join me in praying boldly for her? Pray for her peace of mind in her decision & pray for her well being!

What to Do When....

...not everyone agrees with your decision to adopt. This post probably should be a pleading for help from the veterans out there who know exactly what to say & do when this happens. But yes, we have faced it & probably have not handled it like we should. Not everyone agrees or understands this calling. Some people have distanced themselves from us. Some have been down right angry. Others, while maybe not understanding at first have asked questions to the point that they now understand why. We knew that when we began, we would encounter this. Why in the world would a couple with 4 children set out to adopt yet another? Don't we have enough on our plate? Isn't adoption just for those who can't have children or can't have anymore? Obviously,we disagree & so do many families who have adopted! There needs to be all types of families ready to step up but that doesn't mean it will always be easy. But how do you respond to those people that come right out & tell you that what you are doing is wrong? Well, you try to educate them. But as I have learned, most of the people that speak up in opposition, just can't grasp what it means to put yourself & your wants aside to do this. Honestly, at this point, I don't care & my skin is getting thicker & thicker with each day. I choose to follow my God & His calling on my life. Not what others want or expect of us. Sometimes that means that things can't remain the same with people that you know. We surely never set out to push people away but I guess once you make yourselves "different" & a "different looking" family, people won't always accept you. Unfortunately, it can be those that you thought were the closest to you. People who you thought would be in your corner no matter what & yet they disappoint you by telling you that this can't be worth it. Oh, but I can tell you even at this point, it is SOOO worth it. Even if this particular child doesn't end up in our arms, we have seen that the need for good homes for these children is so great that it blows my mind. They need love, they need stability & most importantly they need to know the love of Christ! Any amount of earthly sacrifice that we make is worth it to have a child of God know how much he/she is loved by our Savior. My biggest joy is already picturing me looking into our son/daughter's face & telling her/him was worth every tear, every hour worked, every paper filled out because God thinks he/she is worth it.


I have just started yet another Beth Moore Bible study & I'm on my first week of lessons. Needless to say, right after an encounter with hearing some negativity in regards to our adoption, this quote was written in the sidelines to the page I flipped open to & spoke directly to my heart!

"We must choose this day- and every day- whom we will serve."

Well, I choose my Lord! Enough said!

How to Save for an Adoption

I know that the financial aspect of adoption of a huge issue. So many people don't think they have the money or resources to complete an adoption so they don't even give more than a passing thought. It's a huge price tag. I'm not going to sugar coat. It's a lot of money. There are a lot of things we could do with that kind of money but we chose to give a child a home instead. So how does anyone get a good start on this? Well, many people have done many different things & how we have gotten to where we have isn't going to work for everyone.

Our process to save enough money was helped by the fact that we had gotten out of debt about 2 years ago. That doesn't mean that cash is always available. We just don't use credit cards or loans for anything but Brian's work account. So that requires being diligent about budgeting our monthly income. *I leave a clause here that I could still be better at this than what I am* We took a look at our monthly spending & tried to cut out everything that wasn't necessary. We cut our auto insurance as far as we could. We looked at our cable & phone & cut where we could there. We also took almost all of our tax return & put it towards getting started. We sent in 9 grant applications & were awarded 3 of them. We've done a tip night, rib suppers at our house, garage sale & our sponsorship project. We've put in whatever we can from month to month into our adoption fund. We have been blown away by everyone's generousity of helping out & we have never been afraid of hard work. If I look at how far we have come & what God has provided for us, I am so blown away. There is no way that I ever thought that we be as far as are. We have had to decide to not go out to eat or go to movies for a time period. Cooking at home & watching movies on Netflix is just as good for us! We have shopped at 2nd hand stores for the large portion of all of our clothing & only shopped sales for new clothing. We drive a vehicles that are on it's last leg but it still gets us from point A to point B & all our vehicles are completely paid for. That is our next saving project! I gave up the money I set aside for new furniture when we sold the sauna. But not for 1 second have we ever felt deprived or unblessed! In fact, it has never been more real to us that things don't ever make you happy. The more we've gotten rid of things & gotten rid of the excess in our lives, the more that contentment has set in. I honestly thought it would be the opposite.

So, these are the things that we have done. There are many, many other things that others have done to earn or raise money for their adoption that we have not & they are also great ideas. The point is, it can be done. It might not be easy & it may be alot of work but I can say that it will be so worth it. So very much worth it!

Can You Believe???

That it is already October 16?? I surely can't! October is half over now!! I am going to credit most of time flying to the gorgeous weather we've been having! Nothing helps more than to wake up & spend the day with the sun shining & the temperatures being as nice as they have been for Iowa. Last year, we had just moved into this house & it literally rained the entire month & we had 2 inches of snow that had come & gone by this point. I'll take a fall like this every year, you know if I can put in my order! I'm just hoping that time keeps going at this rate & that we are holding our baby soon! I have my inner battles of letting myself truly believe that this match will go through. Some days are good & God does a great job of calming my fears & others, Satan is really good at playing on my fears. The other day, I was having a break down moment & all of the sudden the most perfect song came on- "My Help Comes From the Lord" by The Museum. I've put it at the top of my playlist so you can listen to the words! I love that God can place these words in songs at just the right time!

A Couple of Great Posts

I came across a couple of awesome blog posts that deserve to be read. There is a need for people to step up & stop ignoring the crisis with orphaned children. We need to stop making excuses for why we can't & just do it. God requires it of us. So follow the links & be changed!

"do orphans need "saving"?  & "Adoption is Rescue"

Feeling the Pinch

We have been working hard to get all the forms & money in place so that all the parties involved have what they need to make sure that this placement goes smoothly. It hasn't been an easy process as some things have come up that we were not ready for. We thought we would have a little more time to gather the remaining money & that just isn't the case. We are scrambling to figure out what to do at this point. We have tried to think of a quick fundrasier to do but we don't really have any ideas nor the time to really put anything on. We have relied on God to get us to this point & we hope & pray that He provides the remainder of the funds that we need to bring our baby home. What a testimony of His goodness it would be to walk away with every penny of this adoption paid for!! We know He can do it but we also know that He might require us to be more creative, whatever that might be.

I hate worrying about money. I hate the love of money. I hate the want of more money. I hate our reliance on money to make us happy. I hate what money does to people(including me). I hate what emphasis our society puts on having, making & hoarding money. I hate that money can tear marriages & families apart. I hate that adoption costs so much money but it does & I need to get over it.

So if you would pray for us that things would fall into place financially & that God would allow us to find a way to come up with the rest of what we need. We know it's a small price to pay to give this child a loving home & we are taking a few steps back to look at the bigger picture!

Survival Mode

We've just been in survival mode here this past week. Brian left Tuesday night to go fishing in Canada with his dad,  brother, brother-in-law, cousin & a friend. The kids were off of school Thursday & Friday. I had to work my normal hours & still keep things under control. So that often throws me into survival mode. Doing only what is necessary at that moment so things don't fall apart. Luckily, I had a couple of great helpers in my girls who stepped in to help out. Things really did go well but I am glad to have Brian home to help ease the stress of single parenting. This week should be much better with him being home a lot more so we will just take it while we can. The weather has been gorgeous here & we keep commenting how fast time is going. I'll credit that to the nice weather. It makes winter seem so much more bearable when we don't have it near as long. We know that winter is just around the corner & that makes me cringe. I really don't mind snow but only for about 2 days & then I'm sick of it. But we'll hold on to the 65-70 degree temps for as long as we can! Now to only get the sun to stay out longer!

A Day at a Time

We just keep inching ever so closely. Nothing much has really gone on. We still haven't had a chance to talk with Miss A again & we haven't gotten to set up a time to visit. We know she's talked with the caseworkers though so at least she is still in contact with them. We've just been filling out some paperwork & getting some details ready. In a couple weeks, we will have a few more things to get ready. So for right now, we just have to sit back & wait. Sounds familiar, huh?

I can honestly say that some fears & doubts have crept in from time to time that haven't let me fully believe that we will be taking this baby home. Nothing has happened to make me think otherwise but I hear all the stories of birth moms changing their minds & you start to wonder if that will be the case here. We know it's a real possibility but how do you get past that fear & build a trusting relationship with someone (that if you are honest) you don't trust? We have been praying for Miss A & this baby & we already have hopes & dreams for this to work out. We know that it may not end up that way. But as Brian & I have learned from going through the loss of our son, we aren't in control. We never were. We may not be able to fully trust Miss A yet because we don't know her but we do fully trust God so that just has to trump any fears & doubts that we have as humans. Trust in God will always take over for our mistrust in people. It has to. People in our lives will let us down but God never will. So I ask for your prayers to help me remain calm & to get rid of my tunnel vision during the remainder of this waiting period.

Seeing the ENT

We had a follow up for Wyatt with his ears today. A while back, I had to have all 3 kids in to the doctor because they couldn't seem to kick the nasty cold they had for almost 3 weeks. Wyatt had double ear infection at that time. He finished all his medicine & 4 days later, he complained that his ears hurt again. I called in & they gave us another round of medicine but wanted to see him back after it was all gone. At his follow up today, his ears are still filled with fluid & are starting to get infected again. His hearing is also not very good with all this fluid. His tonsils are also huge so she said it was time to see the ENT soon. We've been down this road with Alexa before but considering all that we have going on, it really couldn't be worse timing. Depending on what the ENT doctor says, we might wait til after the baby is here since I will not be working so that I can be home with him. We have an appointment on October 19 so we'll see what happens from there. We just really want him to feel better so we know that if getting his tonsils & adnoids out & having tubes put in is what will do that, then we will do that!

What's Next

As we have now gotten to this point of now being chosen, I guess we need to focus on what's next. Right now, we are still filling out forms & contracts & getting things together on the financial side. Our agency is starting to get stuff ready for the hopeful time of placement & what they need for the ICPC(Interstate Compact) so that when the time comes, we are able to take our child home across state lines. We also will be working on setting up a time to go meet Miss A in person before delivery. Her due date is toward the end of November so we hope to have some time to do this. We know this must be a hard time for her & we hope that meeting us in person will give her a better idea who we are. We also hope that we can gain as much info from each other so that we may be able to pass that info on to our child in the future. This is a great time for us to get to know each other a little.

We also are working on getting the last bit of work done on Mary's house. Brian worked there on Saturday for a bit & just has a couple of things to finish up. My mother-in-law & I are going there on Tuesday to paint the garage. Hoping we can get that done! I will put the address of our church for those still wanting to donate money to this sponsorship project. We have a short amount of time to come up with the remainder of the money & we pray that God will provide what we need.

Bethel Christian Reformed Church
341 South Main Ave.
Sioux Center, IA 51250

Wyatt's Birthday Party

Yes, his birthday was last week but we seriously had too much going on to think about doing a party with his friends. So we decided to let him have about 4 friends overnight last night. It went very well & we even overheard some telling Wyatt as they were laying down for the night that "this was the best party ever". Yeah, we chuckled! Probably because 3 out of the 4 boys had never slept over at a friends house so I guess we didn't have the bar set too high for us. They were picked up from school & came directly to our house. Brian had them start a game of football. Then it was time for snacks & they just played in the basement until I got home. Yes people! Brian did this all by himself for 2 hours until I got home! Father of the Year Award yet again! Then we had tacos for supper. We soon found out that we needed to let them go run so we decided to go to the park for a while. We then came home, opened presents & had root beer floats. About 9:30, they got all their sleeping bags ready & watched a movie. By 11:30, they were all asleep! Breakfast this morning & some play time & got them loaded up into the van around 10:30 to head home. We had a great time with these boys & we are glad that Wyatt now had a great memory of his 7th birthday!

WE GOT THE CALL!!

We are so excited to annouce that got THE call we've been waiting for!! We've been matched with a birthmom who is due in November!! We got the initial call on Monday that Miss A had picked our profile but they wanted to do a conference call before sending us the contracts. We had that call set up for Tuesday but she never did call in. At that point we weren't sure what was going to happen so we decided to be patient & see what happened. Well, today I got to talk with her very briefly & things are moving forward. We hope to take the time we've been given to get to know her a little better & we just are so excited to see what God has in store with Miss A!

We will be very vague with any information at this point but we are going to share a little suprise with you! For the last few weeks, I felt God tugging at my heart to open ourselves up more than what we were willing at first. Our original plan was to only be open to 1 gender(boy) since that would work best with our bedrooms. Well, we had seen our agency listing that they had a situation for an unknown gender. I had asked Brian about it but he was a little reluctant. I asked him if I could ask for her information & then see what happens. After a week, Brian said to send her our profile & she picked us!! So we have no idea what gender this child is but we are just as excited as we were before!! I just want to say that I admire my husband so much with being willing to do this. Not that I "got my way" but because he took the time to sit back & look at the bigger picture of why we set out on this journey in the first place. He is allowing God to make the decisions of what's best not only for us but what's best for this child!! I will forever respect the wonderful heart that he has! We know without a doubt that we will love this little boy or little girl no differently because of who he or she is!!

Please continue to pray for us as we make preparations for this baby & to continue to talk with Miss A during the remainder of her pregnancy. We also know that many things can change quickly & that it may end up being a painful thing to go through but we also know that everything is in God's hands & we give it all to Him!

Feeling Out of the Ordinary

I don't know if I can put my finger on why I feel this way alot lately. I've known for a long time that adopting transracially will make us different but it goes way deeper than just that. I've known that God would use this journey to mold & shape us for His glory but I couldn't imagine how much I see things differently now. I had always thought that I had a fairly compassionate heart but I now know that I wasn't even close! God is breaking my heart for what breaks His & I know there is no going back to being the same person that I was. There are so many people hurting in this world plagued by sin & there is so little that I've done to help those who are. I've heard the quote "I'd like to ask God why He allows such pain & hurting to those less fortunate but I'm afraid He might ask me the same thing"! Ouch! Reality check for my soul! What this means to me is that I can keep living my life the way we always have been or take a long look at what we can change to allow ourselves to help even more. This life isn't about us. It never has been. Never will be. We know Who it is about. But it certainly is not about me!

Happy Birthday Wyatt!

Happy Birthday to my oldest son, Wyatt! You are 7 years old today! I know I say this all the time but how in the world did this happen so fast? You are a 1st grader this year & loving school! You are a very intelligent boy & love learning. School seems to come very easy for you at this point. You are a daddy's boy & love to join in on any job he is working on. You also beg often to go hunting & fishing with your dad. Pestering Emma & Jackson is also becoming quite a hobby & you are quite good at it. We hate to admit that we do silently chuckle when you do! You really do have such a caring heart & you hate to see people hurt or left out. You love anything to do with sports, especially football. You know way more about the game than I ever will! I guess it's better that way. 2 more years before you can play league football seems WAY too long for you but it gives me some more time to get used to it. We love hearing you sing all the praise songs that you have learned in school and can't wait to see your child-like faith grow with you! We wish you many more birthdays & can't wait to see you grow into a fine young man!

Day 1 Complete

Today was our day to go help out at Mary's house! Luckily all the projects that we had hoped to do were planned for inside because it was raining so hard outside when we showed up! Our main focus was the garage. There was a wall in the garage that she wanted taken down to make it completely open. Before we knew it the wall was down & we were putting in insulation & putting the chipboard back up. 2 of us were priming the walls in the garage while the wall was being taken down. We were also lucky to have an electrician join us to help & he wired 3 new light fixtures in the kitchen, living room & bedroom. We also had 2 people sand, stain & varnish some woodwork around a few windows. All in all it was a great day & we got quite a bit done! We hope to go back another day soon to finish up some loose ends & actually paint the garage!

We want to thank Mary & her family for letting us do this project. We know that you probably want to thank us but we feel so rewarded for being the hands & feet of Jesus. We are humbled being able to help & give of our time in this way. We pray God's blessing on this sponsorship project & we can't wait to go back & help out some more! I don't have many pictures because we still have work to do but here are just a few!

Before wall was taken down

After

Light fixture put in & windows being done

Happy Birthday Jackson!

Our baby boy! When & how did you get to be 3 years old already?? It just doesn't seem possible. You were the perfect little boy that we needed after all the heartache we had 15 months earlier. The pregnancy to bring you into this world was 9 of the hardest months of my life. We loved you so much & couldn't imagine going through the same pain we did with your brother Dawson. At 8 1/2 weeks, we thought we had lost you too & my heart could hardly stand the pain. Nothing could have prepared us for the wonderful news from the ultrasound tech that you were still there & your heart was beating away & you were moving all around. God gave us the gift of hope that day through your beating heart. Even though we didn't really let ourselves believe that we would get to take you home, we had hope. When you were born, and healthy, we couldn't have given God more praise for this wonderful gift. I held you a little tighter & knew that I wasn't going to take a single second for granted. You have brought us so much joy & laughter in your 3 years! We can always count on your to make us laugh just when we need it. You adore your big sister Alexa & I know the feeling is mutual. You look up to your big brother Wyatt & you follow him around any chance you get. Emma has taught you many songs to sing & has even dressed you up as a girl from time to time. You are my cuddle bug & I LOVE it! I had always wanted a child who would wake up & need to snuggle before really waking up  & that is you! You LOVE food! We always joke that you don't share your food! If someone tries to sneak food off your plate, you let them know you are NOT happy! It makes us laugh! We know that with another little one coming, you will probably have the biggest adjustment but I also know you will be a great big brother. We hope that you will love being 3 & can't wait to see what else God has in store for you! We love you, Jackson Bradley!

Letter

This is the letter that we sent out to quite a few of our friends, family & church family but I thought that I'd also post it here for anyone else to read(and just in case some letters didn't make it to the addressed location). We are excited for this opportunity to help a widow, especially someone who we know personally. We hope & pray that we are a blessing to her during this project!



Dear family, church family & friends,



“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27

Most of you know that earlier this year, we felt God’s calling to add to our family and adopt. We decided after much research and prayer to adopt an African American baby boy from right here in the US. We have been praying for him and his birthmother for quite some time and we can’t wait to see what God has in store for us in the remainder of our journey to him.

Some of the reasons that we decided to adopt domestically was the huge need for families willing to accept children of a minority race, specifically African American. African American women are 3 times as likely to have an abortion when an unwanted pregnancy occurs. 32% of abortions performed in the US today are for African American women and that number is climbing. Also, approximately only 1 in 40 families who are willing to adopt are willing to accept full African American children. In the South, that number is more like 1 in 60. The women who have the courage to carry their babies to term are now faced with too few families willing to accept their children because of race. We want to show these women that they are making the right choice by giving their child the ultimate gift of life.

We are excited to open our home to another child but that hasn’t come without its challenges. The cost alone can be so overwhelming that a lot of people get no further than just looking into the process. We estimate with adoption fees, home study, travel, & legal fees that our costs will be around $25,000. So far we have been blessed to be able to raise $15,000 toward these expenses. We are so humbled that so many of you have already given of your time and money to bring our son home and we can’t thank you enough.


It’s difficult to put our pride aside and ask for even more help but we have decided to do another project that will not only benefit ourselves, but also someone else who needs assistance. This letter comes to you to ask for your sponsorship of this project. The idea behind this project is like a walk-a-thon. Only instead of sponsoring us to walk, you will be sponsoring us while we help a woman from our church who was recently widowed. The verse we have quoted above talks about caring for the widow and the orphan and this project joins both of those efforts. This project is going to take place on Sept. 25, 2010. We will be trimming trees, painting the garage floor and making a toy room downstairs for the grandkids. We love the idea of being able to raise money for our adoption and also help someone else in return and we pray that God will bless this project.

So we come to you with 2 requests.

1.) We ask for your prayers. These have been essential in our process and we thank all of you who have already been praying us through. We ask you to continue to pray God’s blessing on this journey and for our future birth family. Also, please pray for His blessing in this project and that we may be a blessing to this widow.


2.) We ask that if you feel led that you would consider supporting us financially by making a tax deductible donation to help us cover the remaining costs.

Our church has been kind enough to help us with this. If you would like to be a part of this sponsorship, you can send your tax deductible gift between now and October 20, 2010 to the address below with a note stating it is for the Gulker adoption fund. Make checks payable to Bethel CRC and send to:

Bethel Christian Reformed Church
341 South Main Ave.
Sioux Center, IA 51250

You may follow along on the remainder of our adoption journey at our blog: www.onlybygodsgracegulker.blogspot.com



Brian & Melissa Gulker

So What Do You Do....

...when your husband has to be out of town all week for work?? I don't know about you but I managed to pack this week so full of things that I don't know how I'm going to pull it all off. Why do I do this to myself?? I guess I really can't answer that question but all I can do now is just try to be as organized as possible & try to survive. It's easy, quick meals & making lists a mile long for each day so that I don't forget things! In fact, this Wednesday is school pictures & I'm bound & determined to NOT forget this year! Yes, last year, I totally forgot about Emma's school pictures & then when I finally remembered later in the day, I had that moment of sheer panic because I couldn't remember what she looked like as I sent her off to school that day. I let out a huge sigh of relief to see that she didn't head off to school with some crazy hair style, which she's been known to do from time to time. She wasn't dressed in her best nor did she have her hair done like I would have wanted, she looked just like she did any other day. But this year I hope will be different! At least with Wyatt's extremely short hair, I don't have to worry too much there! HA! So I have several meetings for the school soup supper to lead, work, homecoming for Alexa, our sponsorship/fundraising project to prepare for & my 2 boys' birthdays to make special & prepare treats for! I guess that means that I should get off the computer & go to bed to rest up now! I'm gonna need it!

I Don't Need to Write My Own Blog Post....

...when people like this do it so well for me. As we are approaching 1 of our last projects in order to raise the remaining funds needed to complete this adoption, I encourage you read this. We have talked & heard from some people that not everyone agrees with fundraising for an adoption. That it is a personal family choice. While agree that if someone wants it to be that way, that is absolutely fine. Not everyone is called to this journey in the same light. We started out our journey with the same thinking. When we found out that the fees & costs were going to be WAY higher than we originally thought, we knew we could not do this alone. Please go to the following link & read HERE.

I can't wait to share the progress of our next project which is scheduled to be happening next Saturday, September 25!! 

Families Needed!

Our agency is looking for homestudy ready families to present for a situation for a full African American baby girl. She is due soon & families that are interested are asked to contact Mother Goose Adoptions at
480-626-4900. You can also email them at info@mothergooseadoptions.com . They are great about returning emails!

Huge Success

We are done with our garage sale & it went so well! We had an amount in our head of what would make all that work worth it & we exceeded it by far! We are so humbled by the generosity of those who donated all sorts of items & baked goods.  We would like to thank Gwen, Tammy, Jessica & Jeremy for helping by keeping me company at the sale or helping to clean up. We couldn't have done it without you!  We were able to donate most of the leftovers to a couple of our local charities & we were able to sneak the baked goods to the people who were shingling our neighbors house. We had so many people give us kind words of encouragement & offered their prayers for the remainder of this journey. God is so good!

And Back Down Again

Another situation that didn't work out. There was some information that wasn't correct & today we had to make another decision not to back out. We are doing fine with it. I have never been more convinced that this is all part of God's plan. He is molding & shaping us through all the ups & downs. I have no choice but to trust that He knows what is best.

Jeremiah 29:11


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Garage Sale

It's here! Garage sale weekend has arrived & I can honestly say that I barely survived the preparations. I would much rather serve our dinner parties for 20 people than to do this garage sale again. I understand why people do them but the prep work is more than I care for. So please call & put us out of our misery & let us serve you a wonderful rib supper.

Also, there has been some activity going on with our adoption process & we ask for you to be on your knees for us during the next few days. We aren't at a point to go any further with info but just know that God hears the prayers of His people & we could use them on our behalf. I will update when I can!

Almost Ready

We've been so busy with getting ready for our garage sale & bake sale that will be held this coming Thursday-Saturday. We have been overwhelmed with the amount of stuff that we've been blessed with & our garage is getting full! Thank you to all who have already brought items & are still bringing them. I can say that not having experience with doing garage sales that getting the garage ready & organizing stuff is a little difficult. I know so many who have done so many of these that they have it down to a science. Well, not this woman! But I can say that it looks like any other garage during these sales so I think we did good. Now just praying that the rain holds off. I tend to attract crappy weather so pray that the rain stays away. If it ends up being cold, I may just sell coffee & hot chocolate by the cup!!

No news on the adoption front. Back to waiting aimlessly. As you could tell from my previous post, it's been a tough week of waiting. We know that God already knows who our son is but no matter how much I tell myself that I want to know who he is NOW! That doesn't mean that I haven't seen some good come out of our waiting period. After hearing about such a need & how fast it can go, you kind of expect it to go really fast. I just keep praying for patience & to find a purpose in the waiting. It's hard to just go on living life normally when our hope is to get that phone call any day. I ache for my son to be in my arms, to have him here at home & loved on by his brothers & sisters who can't wait for him to be here. It's hard to explain to them that we have no clue when he will be here.

But our hope & trust is put in God throughout this whole process. He brought us here to this point & He will carry us through.

Good Ole Temper Tantrum

Yep, this is my attitude right now. A good old fashioned  kicking, screaming, whining temper tantrum. Some of you may not understand this feeling but I can guarantee that those of you who have been through any type of adoption process can relate to just getting so frustrated to the point that you want to act like a 3 year old & make sure everyone around you knows how much this process can just bite sometimes. Yep, I'm there! This is also my way to journal through this process so I want to document even the hard times to be able to see how far we have come in this journey & where God led us. Today, He's hearing a not so good side of me. I won't go into full details but it's kinda hard to follow but let's just say there was a situation that was brought to our attention(& she was due very soon) & because of some wrong information, we were led down a little bit of a roller coaster since last week. I guess it doesn't matter since it's not an option anymore but we are now back at what feels like square one with no end in sight. So yes, I feel like pouting & having a bad attitude. So, I'm just going to take a bit to wallow in my own pity until God shapes me right back to where I should be- Waiting on Him & His timing. But for now, the challenge is on kids! Mom is going to give you a run for your money in the tantrum department! We'll see who wins!

Time to Reveal

After some working out some of the kinks in our next project, I think we are ready to proceed! The idea behind this project is like a walk/jog-a-thon. We will be sending out letters to our friends & family to sponsor us by donating to our adoption fund & in return we will be working on a widows house. So instead of walking or jogging for a certain distance, we will be helping her with various things that need to be done. Some of the things we have talked about are trimming trees, painting the garage floor, & painting/making a toy room downstair. I have not asked her permission to reveal who she is so I will be leaving that information out as of now. This has been a hard concept to explain to people so I hope that everyone understands how we hope this will work. We knew from the beginning that this adoption journey isn't just about us & want we want to accomplish. This project gives us the chance to raise money & help someone who needs our help.

The focus behind this comes from James 1:27-"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

We ask you to continue praying for us that this project will be successful & that God will show His favor on us. We hope & pray that God will receive all the glory!

Sorry!

I'm so sorry to leave everyone hanging this long. I was sure we were going to have all the details worked out a few days ago & things just haven't actually fallen into place like we had hoped. We have the larger picture in our head all figured out but the tiny important things still have to be answered. We are hoping with a few phone calls tomorrow, we will know alot more! This project we are working is a great opportunity for us to raise money & help out someone in need all at the same time. We are excited to get things rolling & find some people willing to help us out.

Also, we were presented with a situation by a different agency we aren't registered with that we had to say no to. There were just too many unknowns & too much risk involved. I always thought that I would jump at about any situation but this just wasn't it.

A Teaser Post

No, we haven't heard anything new from either of our agencies but we do have so pretty awesome news that we hope to share with you soon. We are trying to get some of the details worked out before we let everyone in on what is in the works. We are humbled by this opportunity & are seeing God's hand in it all. We could never have imagined when we started this process that He would work so much on our hearts & give us the chances that we have been given to do things in His name. Stay tuned!!

Happy Birthday Emma!

Yes, I know this post is a day late but I was too busy yesterday with Emma's birthday party. Better late than never! So, Happy Birthday, baby girl! I can't believe it's been 10 years since you came into our lives. We thought that we knew everything about parenting & because Alexa was so easy, you would too. Well, I should have known when you were not even a minute old & decided to pee on me that everything I thought I knew was about to be tossed out the window! You always had to be where the action was & as long as you were, you were content. Walk out of your sight and you would let us know that you were not happy! You loved to entertain anyone & started singing & talking at an early age. You haven't quit since. You do so well at anything that you set your heart to. But you were also blessed with a double dose of stubborness from both of us. I have to say that your grandma probably laughs because you are just a little piece of payback for what I put her through as a teenager. You have so many talents that it blows our minds. Your love of music & ability to sing, play violin & piano amazes us. We can't wait to see what sports you end up doing but we know you will keep us busy year round with as many things as you love doing. We know that you will go far in life & we pray that God surrounds you & continues to bless in the years to come! We can't wait to see what God has in store for you!

Here's some pictures of her birthday party with her friends! We had a blast doing a "spa day" with all her friends & then swimming!

Garage Sale & Bake Sale Donations

We are still in need of garage sale & bake sale donations for our Sept 9-11 sale. We are accepting donations & storing them in garage to start marking. Well, at least the garage sale donation part. The bake sale donations may come later. Ha! I know that I will procrastinate as long as possible but with this cooler weather, I might actually not mind being out in the garage marking items. Thank you to those who have already dropped off items! So this is a reminder to the rest of you to start cleaning out your closets & garages of items that you no longer need or use! We hope that this will not only be an opportunity to raise money but to also get the word out about the need in the adoption world.

God Never Ceases to Amaze Me

God has continued to amaze me in our adoption journey. Even in the times that I'm feeling frustrated & down about how this process goes, I know that this is what we are called to do. No one said this would be easy & we now see that for ourselves. But we move forward to seek His will & to learn what He is trying to teach us. Every now & then, it's nice to get that solid confirmation that we are actually following His call. With the attacks of some financial issues a while back, I had to work hard to not let that cause me to really doubt what we are doing. In fact, it caused us to lean on God more. We knew that by ourselves alone, we could not come up with the money to complete this adoption. Even though we are still not fully at our goal, we are several steps closer with the help of 3 grant organizations. We have now blessed by these 3 grants to get us closer to bringing our child home. We so appreciate all the hard work that they put into raising money to help adoptive families bring their children home. We all hate that adoption has to cost so much but it does so we just have to find a way to do it. These organizations raise awareness for the need for adoptive families & help overcome the financial barriers that arise because of the high costs. The 3 that we have been blessed by are the Micah Fund, Katelyn's Fund, & Elijah's Truth. We thank them from the bottom of our hearts & feel so humbled to be blessed by the financial support. Brian & I have a larger vision in the future of being able to help adoptive families & these organizations through various personal fundraisers & we hope that we can we "pay it forward"!

Yankton Camping

Finally have my computer back. I've had more trouble with our power supply & so we ordered a new one. I hope that fixes the problem. As promised, here are some pictures from our Yankton camping trip. I always think I take enough pictures but now that I'm home, I wished I had taken more. Oh well, there's always next year! I swear Alexa & I were both there but we didn't make it into any pictures.